


Die From A Broken Heart

by KieranDarkling



Category: South Park
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eric Cartman Being An Asshole, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, South Park: The Stick of Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:01:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23941240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KieranDarkling/pseuds/KieranDarkling
Summary: Flames licked at her heart when she met his eyes.She hated him.She loved him.Both passions burned bright enough to melt into a single inferno.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Dougie O'Connell/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Eric Cartman/New Kid | Douchebag, Henrietta Biggle/Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski/Nichole Daniels, Michael (South Park: Raisins)/Original Female Character(s), Red/Kevin Stoley, Token Black/Wendy Testaburger, Trent Boyett/Kenny McCormick
Kudos: 14





	1. The Nerve Of This Guy

She had just re-shaved her hair down to a quarter inch from her scalp when the first heat wave of summer blew through South Park on a soft breeze. It wasn't hot, she doubted it ever would be in the little Colorado mountain town, but it was uncharacteristically warm from what she had come to know. Close to eight eventful years had passed her by, and yet everywhere she went they still called her 'The New Kid'. Her name was Alexandra Wilcox, Alex to her peers and Alexa to her family. But to her friends, it seemed like she would always be known as --

"Hey Douchebag!" The age old nickname, earned her very first day in South Park, echoed across the courtyard in a brash, familiar voice, almost shocking her phone out of her hand. A heavy arm landed on her shoulders and she glanced to her right, having to look up at Cartman to meet his eyes. His last growth spurt had launched the brunette up to six foot two, half a foot taller than herself, and somewhere in the back of her head she figured she should have been jealous. She'd always wanted to be taller than him. But, as usual, she was just as chill about it as she was about everything else. Well, how she used to be about everything else. Lately, however, she didn't feel so neutral about it all. "You coming to Token's party tonight?"

There it was. She knew the others had noticed her change, knew that from the moment her relationship had ended that she had not been the same. It had been Cartman, after all, who had answered her distressed texts with action that fateful night, managing to track her to Stark's Pond. She still had the jacket Eric had wrapped her in, an Offwhite hoodie that proclaimed the wearer a member of the AntiSocial Social Club. Cartman had held her close and let her sob into his chest, rocking her, petting her hair. The weight she felt against her side right now was her focus, keeping her in the moment, like it had done then, and she felt herself subconsciously leaning into the softness.

"You know it'll be lit." Kenny drawled from her left, ever-present dopey smirk on his scruffy face. "Stan's even talked Henrietta into tagging along."

Kenny had been her drinking buddy during the darkest of those times, diligently by her side to help her back on her feet every time she fell, keeping a watchful eye on her. He had barely even flirted with her like usual. She had talked about anything and everything to distract herself, but when the tears started falling, Kenny had been there with a free shoulder and a cold beer. He was a kind friend.

"You guys convinced Kyle to go yet?" She pondered in a lax voice, her nimble fingers flying across the screen of her cell, updating her twitter feed. "He's a massive priss about this kinda shit."

"Nah dude the ginger's going." The largest boy answered, tugging at his cap. "He's even, like, hyped about it weirdly enough? But I think its more 'cause its summer finally."

"Yeah no more AP finals he's gotta cram for." Kenny chimed in, mumbling around the cigarette he was lighting. "Fukin' dork."

"Yeah, I'm going." She responded boredly, motioning to bum a cig for herself. She needed to be with them during the evenings, lest her mind start replaying old memories that would leave her a sobbing, wailing mess on her bedroom floor. Not that they had ever seen her like that."Free liquor."

"There's the spirit." The blonde chuckled, igniting the tip with his zippo lighter.

"Awesome dude, have all my boys together for once." Cartman said with a smile, before it dropped into a pout. "Well. My boys and a lying bitch."

"Here we go." The exasperation in the blonde's voice was palpable.

"It isn't my fault you were too stupid and blind to figure it out, fatass." Cartman didn't make to move his arm, but he turned his body to face her head on. Blood had risen in his cheeks. She loved to push him.

"I only trusted you because I thought you were one of us and you betrayed me!"

"I didn't betray you, you sexist pig! You made an assumption and it was wrong, you just won't admit it because you're too full of yourself!"

"I'm not a pig I'm just big boned!"

"And anyways, we're always together." She took a deep drag. The menthol burned in her throat. During her breakup, the four had rarely even left her alone. They were all there with her, keeping her sane. At one point they were even taking shifts keeping an eye on her. But that had been months ago.

"No, the three of us are. Me, you and McCormick. The patron saint of Jesus Killers is always doing some stupid genius thing or whatever and Stan is either at football practice or bewitched by his dark enchantress. We aren't all five together much anymore. Shit blows."

"Kyle is trying to get into Law school." Kenny reminded him. "And you know Stan really gives a shit about Henrietta.'

"Yeah, he seriously loves her, weirdly enough. And Kyle--"

"What about Kyle?"

Stan had always been practically silent when he walked, like a thief in the night, and the warm weather had melted the snow around Park County High School so there was none to crunch underneath the soles of his sneakers. His voluptuous goth girlfriend glided beside him ethereally, her lacy dress brushing the pavement. Alex studied them a moment. They were a nice couple, she had decided years ago, good for each other. They were that couple that were meant to be, like poetry or a love song. Stan always got this look when he talked about her, where his eyes would grow soft and far away, like he was living in a dream, and he'd smile genuinely. The New Kid didn't care that she was different, on the contrary, she was really glad she wasn't the only weird one in the group any more. Henrietta had mellowed over time, becoming friendly with the rest of them and melting into their circle like she had always belonged there.

She couldn't say the same for Trent Boyett, who had appeared beside Kenny unnoticed and stoic to pick him up from school. She didn't exactly dislike the poor boy's boyfriend but she wasn't very close to him either. She doubted that would ever really change.

But seeing her friends in such happy, loving relationships still stung her whenever they were around. She just didn't want to upset them or make them feel guilty, so her mouth stayed shut on the matter.

"We're talking about Token's party tonight."

"Party?" She heard Trent ask quietly, confusion evident on his face.

"Yeah, wanna come with us?" Kenny whispered, puffing away.

"Babe. Work?"

"You can call out?" Kenny murmured back.

"What about rent?"

Say what she might about Trent, but the guy had always delivered, no matter the many hardships they had always faced. In sophomore year, when Kenny's parent's had already driven his brother Kevin out of their home and his life was taking a turn for the worse, Trent had stepped up. His job at the local warehouse paid for the rent at their little apartment on main street, where Karen lived with them under Kenny's guardianship, put gas in their beat up old Chevy, and food on the table. He had reformed since juvie and took good care of his little family. No one had thought he would turn out to be a family man. Alex respected him for that. It was something she held out hope for, herself.

"Dude come ooon." Cartman whined like he used to do. "It's just one night. Be cool."

"But Karen-"

"Is about to turn fifteen and can handle herself for one night." Stan chimed in.

"Well...if it'll make Ken happy..." The gruff boy pouted but didn't argue further, and Kenny smiled at him, lacing their fingers together. She found herself smiling too, though she wished she had a hand in her own right about now.

"Am I interrupting?" 

That voice, a smooth low tenor, silenced them all effective immediately. It shot through her heart like shards of ice and ripped the smile from her face. A thousand cuts. Her eyes trained themselves on the toes of her shoes, because she knew if she looked at him, she would start cracking, and she had worked so hard to put those pieces back together. Cartman's arm slid from her shoulders and that warmth that comforted her moved away as the taller boy took a half step in front of her. He was trying to block her line of sight, Alex realized. Cartman was protective of her, in a weird way.

"Michael..." Henrietta pleaded. She and Stan still shared a house with the tall, lank boy, trying to stay his friend as best they could. Alex couldn't blame them for it. They'd both known him longer, spending years as his friend before 'The New Kid' had shown up. She had never been surprised, and wouldn't have been if they had both taken Michael's side in it. In fact, she had expected it. Henrietta reached out for his arm but Stan shook his head at her, touching her shoulder, and she looked at him soberly before letting her arm fall back into place at her side in defeat. Stan was frowning, his brows scrunched together in the middle.

"Man, you really wanna leave." Kenny growled through clenched teeth. "Like, right. Now."

"It's a free country, I'm allowed to stand here. Besides, I'm not trying to talk to you anyway. You're insignificant to me." He snapped.

Trent took a step forward, murder in his eyes, but Kenny stopped him with an arm across the chest. His hand had twitched dangerously close to the switchblade clipped to his belt, but Alex knew that was an empty threat. No matter how intimidating Trent could be, Kenny could stop him without a word. But Michael had never liked her friends. He thought they were all beneath him, and it had started the rift in their relationship. She found her hand moving of its own accord, tugging at Cartman's sleeve at the wrist gently. The bigger boy twisted his own hand up and grabbed hold, squeezing her fingers once reassuringly before dropping them like they were hot coals.

"Look, Alexandra," The tall, curly haired goth began, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Eric shifted a half step closer to her. "I just wanted you to know... I'm going to be at the party tonight, but I'm not going to bother you, okay? I want you to come and have some fun with your friends, and I'm going to leave you alone. Okay? I promise. Don't you want to go out with your friends? I'm sure they'd like that."

"Sure." Her voice sounded hollow to her own ears. "Thanks for letting me know."

After a few moments, she heard a sigh, followed by the sound of boot heels clicking away.

"Ali?" Cartman spoke in a hushed whisper after Michael walked off. "You don't have to come with us tonight, dude."

"Yeah, you really don't. That little fucker is just trying to manipulate you again. He wants you to come for his own amusement." She wasn't sure when Kyle had shown up, but he was there now and he was angry. The Jersey accent was coming out. "He wants you to see HIM having fun with his friends so you'll feel bad. He wants to make you crawl back to him. He's trying to abuse you even when you aren't together!"

"He isn't doing it on purpose!" Henrietta snapped, defensive of her friend. Stan's hold on her shoulder kept her from lurching forward at the redhead. "He doesn't mean to be this way, but he won't go to therapy no matter how much Stan, Pete, Firkle and I try to talk him into it. He needs help, okay? Professional help. God, he isn't a monster."

"I'll help him, alright. Right into an early fucking grave." Kenny was still fuming. Trent was nodding, glowering, his hands balled into fists. Ever the protector. As they all continued to argue over if Michael was a victim or a villain, Cartman turned bodily to face her.

"Hey, you with me?" He asked, placing his hands on her shoulders. The weight and heat brought her back down to reality and she sighed shakily.

"Mhm. I'm here. I'm with you." She answered, looking into Eric's hazel blue eyes. Steady, she thought.

"Good." He smiled. "That's good. Stay with me?"

He said that whenever he thought that she might spiral back into that bad place she had been in four months ago. 

"I will." She smirked back. "Hey guys? I'm still gonna come tonight."

Everyone stopped bickering back and forth for a minute to stare at her. Kyle was gawking, his mouth opening and closing like a floundering fish as redness spread over his freckled cheeks. Henrietta and Stan shared a grimace. Even Kenny looked unsure.

"Are you sure?" Stan asked, his tone guarded. "You don't have to if you're uncomfortable, we all understand..."

"I won't let him ruin this for me. He's ruined the last four months of my life. I'm going."

"Good for you, man." Kenny said with a smile as he took Trent's hand once more. "We'll see you there, I need to get home and cook dinner for Karen. Bye, you guys."

He waved as he walked away towards the rusty truck parked at the curb, and Stan followed him with his eyes before speaking. "Henri and I need to stop by Tweak Bros. to check if Tweek is actually going to switch shifts with Firkle so he can come. We'll text you."

After a few more minutes of idle chatter and promises to see them all at Token's, she was left standing with Cartman as Kyle's Prius turned out of the parking lot. Eric looked back at her with a disinterested stare.

"You ready to go, Douchebag?"

She was, in more ways than one.


	2. How Do I Get A Red Wine Stain Outta My Favorite Pants?

Alex smoothed down the front of her dress and regarded her reflection in the standing mirror in the corner of her room. Her wardrobe consisted of mainly the same outfit in about a hundred shades of black and gray, with only a touch of dark red and dusty lavender tossed in for variation. Every day she wore the same thing, a loose button down, or tight turtleneck, or silk camisole, half tucked into high waisted slacks and loafers. She had really wanted to change it up for this party, to rub it in Michael's face she was over their relationship, but hadn't had much time to go shopping after school. The shift she had picked out was a thin crushed velvet in a deep maroon shade that shifted in the light. She liked the silhouette, the fabric clinging to her slender form where her narrow hips billowed out. The hem flirted with her knees, and collar hung in a loose cowl, thin spaghetti straps managing to hold it all up on her slim shoulders. On her feet she wore pointed toe pumps in a matte black suede. She had repainted her nails, and the scent of his favorite black polish wafted around the room to mix in with cigarette smoke and lavender incense. Turning at all angles to pose, she worried at her lower lip with her teeth, pondering if the outfit was too much. Various rings glittered on her tapered fingers in the dim light and Bazzi thumped rhythmically from her phone on the hand me down nightstand, the volume turned down low. She ran a hand along the short bristles on her head that had made everyone mistake her for a boy all those years ago, scrubbing at them irritatedly. There in the mirror stood a grown woman, smirking haughtily where moments ago a half grown kid with bruised knees and an almost flat chest had stood. She was striking, like the moonlight cutting through the fog on a dreary night. It was a weird feeling.

There was a soft knock on her bedroom door and she turned to face it, wiping her palms down her hips before nervously answering, "Come in."

Eric opened the door, and Alex felt herself blush deeply at his saucer eyed stare, his lips parted in surprise. Cartman was dressed in a pink and roses Thrasher hoodie with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and a pair of uncharacteristically unripped jeans. He was standing frozen in the doorway, his hand poised on the knob, blinking owlishly.

"Too much?" She squeaked out, fiddling with one of her rings.

"So now you want to act like a girl." He recovered quickly enough, rolling his eyes. "Typical. But, good. He should see what he's missing. No..." Cartman breathed out slowly, shaking his head with a little grin. "Not too much at all. You look...you look good. Really."

Her blush deepened, even though she felt it couldn't grow darker under her makeup, and she glanced away, her eyes falling on the necklace she had laid out on her desk. Her ears burned, and she knew that much he could see. "Oh, could you help me with this? The clasp is a little difficult for me..."

Eric nodded, swallowing so hard his adams apple bobbed. Alex still wondered if she should change before they left. Picking up the silver chain carefully, he motioned for the raven haired girl to turn around. She did as was instructed, spinning on her skinny heel. The cool fabric of the choker fell around her long neck like a vise, the thin cross pendant nestled in the center of her collar bones as Eric attempted to work the tiny hook. She thought she felt the slightest of pressures at the back of her head against the fuzzy hair, but the thought dissipated as heavy, muscular arms encircled her middle from behind, pinning her arms to her sides. A hairy chin rested on her shoulder and Cartman grinned lazily at their reflections in the smooth glass. "Michael is going to be hella jealous tonight, because you're going to be, like, the hottest guy at this party. Besides myself, of course."

"I'm not a guy, fatass." She groaned, eyes half lidded in irritation.

"The old you would be offended, Alex."

"Cartman I'm a girl."

"Lying bitch. The absolute audacity. How dare you attempt to bewitch me into this friendship. I'm appalled and highly offended. I plan on suing."

She found herself stifling a giggle with the back of her hand, shaking her head. It was true though, that Eric had grown to be very attractive. All of the boys had, in their own ways, but puberty had been very good to him. When he hit his growth spurt, the weight had evened out, and now his frame was wide and muscular, with a soft layer of fat over top. A dad bod, really. His jaw had sharpened, his chin had squared, and his evil little smiles had become handsomely mischievous smirks that got even her heart fluttering on the rare occasion. In freshman year, his poofball hat had been replaced by a baseball cap facing backwards, and his winter coat retired for a collection of never ending hoodies. He had honestly grown to be one of the towns biggest heart throbs, much to Wendy Testaburger's dismay. Alex hummed softly, lightly knocking her head against the brunette's. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, Butters is waiting in the car. Let's head out." He responded, pulling away. She unplugged her phone from the charger and retrieved her pack of cheap cigarettes while Cartman waited in the doorway before they headed downstairs.

"Oh Alexa! Honey you look so handsome!" Her mother exclaimed when she saw them, her hand at her chest dramatically. Eric snorted quietly when she rolled her eyes, but she still smiled at her.

"Thank you Momma." She only called her that in front of Eric, because they were best friends and she trusted him against all her better judgment, but she'd be mortified if the other guys heard her say that. "I wanted to try something a little different."

"Hmp." Her little sister, Max, huffed from her seat at the dinner table. She was nine going on about thirty. Turning around to face them she slung her arm over the back of the chair, a knowing look on her angel face. "Is dickwad going to be there?"

"Maxine!" Their mother snapped. "What have I told you about that language?"

"Well he is one!" She yelled back.

Eric shrugged, hands in his pockets. "She's not wrong."

"That's beside the point. It's the principal of the matter." Kelly crossed her arms under her chest, leaning her hip against the kitchen doorway. She looked sad and concerned at the same time. "Will Michael be there, sweetie?"

"No Mom." She lied smoothly, her voice becoming monotone. "You know he isn't into parties. 'They're so conformist'." She said the last three words in a dopey voice with air quotes. Max giggled, almost choking on a mouthful of meatloaf.

"Well..." She trailed off, and Alex knew she knew that she was lying. She had that look on her face like she used to after her and dad had one of their fights over her safety when she was younger, before she drenched her sorrows in shiraz. "Call us if you need us, okay? For anything. Me or your father."

"I will Momma." She hugged her affectionately before musing up Max's hair, much to her annoyance, and kissing them both on the cheek. "Promise."

As she was shrugging her black peacoat over her shoulders by the front door, she heard her mother talking low with Cartman, trying to make sure she wouldn't hear them.

"Be careful with her Eric, please? Just, watch out for her. I know Michael hurt her deeply and maybe this party can help her. I know you and my daughter aren't always on the same page, but..."

"I will, Mrs. Wilcox. I won't let Michael hurt her again."

"Please Eric. Call me Kelly."

"Kelly. I'll take care of Ali for you."

She felt a large hand at the small of her back for a brief second when Cartman came up behind her. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's head out. Don't wanna keep Leo waiting."

"His name is Butters."

"You just can't pronounce Leopold because you lack the mental capacity."

"Fuck you, Douchebag."

Cartman opened the door for her and she locked it behind them, slipping her keys into the pocket of her coat next to her favorite lighter. It was a flip top zippo lighter with black roses printed on the gold surface. A gift from Kenny, when they started smoking together after school freshman year. They walked closely beside each other towards Eric's black Mitsubishi Outlander, shoulders brushing every few steps. The brunette opened the back passenger door for her and she climbed in carefully, shutting it firmly behind her.

"Well hey there, Alex!" Butters Stotch chirped happily from the front seat, a big smile on his face in the rearview mirror. "Gosh, I'm real glad you're coming to Token's party with us. Well, I was a little worried you wouldn't wanna go, after everything that happened and all. Michael sure is mean."

Cartman groaned from the drivers seat at Butters' innocent honesty. He was still a naïve little cherub, not yet ruined by the cruel world around him. He even seemed confused at the brunette's reaction, head tilted to one side like a curious little bird to watch Eric bump his head against the steering wheel repeatedly.

"Why would you bring that up, Butters? Did you think she wants to remember how much of an asshole her ex-boyfriend is? Did you honestly think that was the first thing she wanted to hear when she got into this car?"

"Aw Hamburgers..." He nibbled at his lip, knocking his knuckles together. A nervous tick he'd kept from childhood.

"I want to have fun tonight Leo, and to try and forget all that." She was always careful to word things around the genuine sweetheart. "Will Dougie be there?"

Butters flushed rose at the name of his obvious boyfriend. "O-oh, y-yeah, he wanted to come to ask me somethin' real important."

She and Eric shared a look over the headrest, hazel eyes flashing knowingly as her own gray-blue questioned. Something important, huh? Alex found herself intrigued but didn't pry. They continued to chat about random things on the ride and before she knew it, they were at Token's. Cartman helped her climb out of the backseat, and when she stood she stared at the house in shock. Rainbow lights were strobbing in the windows and loud bass thumped from the dwelling, a song she knew religiously but never had liked playing from unseen speakers.

"Man, he went all out, didn't he?"

"Looks like it." Eric chuckled, locking his doors remotely with his keychain. The car beeped and the headlights flashed. "His parents are out of town at some convention for work or something. I didn't really care too much after he said party."

"Lucky for the students of Park County." She snorted. Bebe Stevens answered the door with a red solo cup in her hand, smelling faintly of peach schnapps.

"Hey guys, come in!" She yelled over the loud music. "Damn Alex, you look sexy as all hell."

"That's what I'm saying." Cartman responded, hands buried in his pockets, and she found herself flushed again. The trio stepped into the vast foyer and she looked around. There were teenagers everywhere, sat on the stairs, milling around the hall, all different levels of drunk, and they all seemed to be enjoying themselves. She grinned and shrugged her coat off, handing it to Clyde who stood by collecting them to put in the side guestroom for safe keeping. Cartman's stepbrother seemed mildly buzzed with a stupid grin on his face, but at least he wasn't stumbling around yet.

"Fella's!" Butters shouted over the music. "I'm gonna go find Dougie, I'll see you later!" And with that he disappeared into the heart of the party.

"Come on!" She grabbed Cartman's arm with both hands, dragging him in the direction of the kitchen. "I need a few cups of whatever Bebe was having!"

After shouldering their way into the giant kitchen of her dreams, they found Kenny and Trent inside. The scrappy blonde was sat on the counter nursing a Pabst Blue Ribbon with his boyfriend stood between his open legs, hands on his thighs. Kenny's ankles were locked behind Trent's lower back. It was an intimate position but she'd seen them in worse ways many a time, so she didn't mind. Kenny caught her eye over the lip of his can and waved his free hand, causing Trent to look up as well. Neither one made to move from their comfortable pose. "You two made it. Sweet! Fuck Alex You minx. For me? You shouldn't have."

"'Course baby. Anything for you." She dropped a wink and blew a kiss at him, and he pretended to catch it dramatically and shove it down the front of his pants while Trent shook his head at the display.

"And I'm already blinded by your disgusting homosexuality, Ken." Eric groaned, eyes lolling back in his skull. "As usual."

"That's homophobic." Trent stated seriously, his expression unchanging, and Kenny spewed beer from his nose.

"I'm assuming Hen brought wine. I want something much, much stronger." Alex stated as Kenny coughed, Trent pounding his back.

"I want to wash my eyes out with bleach." Cartman declared.

"That's homophobic fatass. Eat a Tide Pod while you're at it." Kyle said as he waltzed into the room and Alex chuckled that time, covering her face with her hand. He was dressed smart-casual as usual, but he had left his glasses at home. He looked younger without them. "But you guys should chill. That's nice marble."

"Oh just for that I'm staining this shit with cum." Kenny promised threateningly, and Alex was a sputtering mess, trying not to mess up her heavy shadow as she wiped at her eyes.

"Stan hid her wine in the top of the pantry. Its some expensive French shit or whatever." Kyle claimed, taking a can of Michelob Ultra from the fridge. He leaned his hips back against the counter as he popped it open, the contents hissing angrily. "But there's a few bottles of Vodka and stuff in the fridge, if you want to indulge. You look nice, by the way."

She sauntered over to the fridge and fished out a large bottle of blackberry whiskey that was hidden towards the back. She could feel their shared, concerned gazes on her back but ignored them, cracking the lid. When the top was removed she rummaged around until she found the solo cups and filled one to the brim.

"Hey..." Kenny murmured. "Just be careful with it, okay?"

"Fuck careful. This is my night." And she chugged half the cup in one gulp, the liquid burning on its way down. Kyle made a sound in his throat that was half moan half squeak, a mildly disgusted noise with his nose scrunched up. She simply shrugged and smirked, sipping at the remains. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."

She wasn't exactly fine.

After the cup was empty, and followed by a couple more, she had lead Eric into the den by the hand, stumbling once, and had found Stan and Henrietta. The group danced to whatever songs played, and she found herself laughing along with them as she twisted and swayed to the beat of the music methodically. Sometimes Henrietta would circle her in a trance-like manner with her arms waving hauntingly or dragging her sharp red tipped nails across her torso, sometimes Stan would get behind her and throw his arms across Alex's shoulders and kiss her cheek sloppily, Bebe twirled her around by the hand like a ballroom dancer as they both laughed drunkenly. Even Butters had cut in to excitedly flash Alex his cute little promise ring, giddily taking both her hands to do a little salsa style number for a moment. She wasn't sure when or how, but eventually Eric ended up behind her, hands on her hips, grinding against her lazily. It was almost thoughtless. She reached up and wrapped her arms around the taller boy's neck, laying her head back against his shoulder. 

"How you doing?" The brunette mumbled against what hair she had, swaying them to the slow song rumbling in the large space. She saw Stan holding Henrietta close, and Dougie had made an appearance to lead Butters around clumsily by the waist, all limbs and left feet. It was almost peaceful.

"Amazing." She sighed, leaning back into the familiar body. "I'm happy."

"Good. You deserve it, I guess." He buried his face in Alex's neck like he was tired and she hummed in appreciation, closing her eyes and patting his cheek reassuringly.

Eventually a song she actually enjoyed started bumping from the speakers and her head snapped up from where it leaned on Kyle's shoulder. Her eyes found Henrietta's across the room and they shared a smile in the sea of drunken teens. She motioned with her head towards the little stage by the sound equipment and she nodded, pushing Kenny's feet out of her lap. Moving through the crowd she met Cartman's questioning look with a wink. He seemed to excuse himself from where he was dancing with Bebe and move towards her, but she had made it to the platform and let Henrietta help heave her up onto it by the hand.

Nah nah nah, nahnah, nah nah nah nahnah.

The crowd began whooping as they grabbed two microphones and started wailing into them. 

"We stand together! No we're not afraid!" She scream-singed, her face warm and her hair sticking to her forehead with sweat. When she was singing, her usually husky voice took on a much more feminine quality. How had they not known for so long?

"Daughters of Darkness!" Henrietta half shouted. "Daughters of Darkness!"

The teens in attendance were cheering them on wildly, and she felt happier than she had been in a very long time. The song always got her and Henri singing and dancing, no matter the location. They both would've done this regardless. She felt strong, empowered, as the lyrics spilled from her mouth like sacred jewels, each line building her confidence more and more. Kenny was chanting their names and trying to start a mosh pit while Stan pumped his fist in the air to the beat, shouting his girlfriends name. The words flowed from her with feeling and emotion, the message behind it strong on her lips. She was free.

Until the song ended.

That's when she noticed Michael glaring daggers at her from the back of the room, disappointment etched into his face. Like she was acting childish in front of all their peers. Like she was embarrassing the tall boy.

She felt her usually calm face drop as she froze in place, her fingers gripping the mic like talons, she felt Henrietta shake her shoulder hard, calling her name from somewhere far away. Alex couldn't tear her watering eyes away from het ex-boyfriend. She felt her soul shriveling as it died in her chest. That look on his handsome face was painful, like a knife twisting in her guts, and she couldn't breathe. The microphone slipped to the floor with a clatter and some static feedback. All she could focus on were those dark eyes she had once spent two years loving with all her heart, boring into her hatefully. The crowd was murmuring to themselves, and more familiar voices began to float around her. Kyle, asking if she was okay. Kenny trying to verbally coach her off the stage. Wendy calling for Cartman to come help them physically move her.

And then Eric was there, in front of her, shielding her from the disdain in that piercing stare. A large, warm, calloused, heavenly familiar hand tilted her chin upward, the other hand cupping her cheek, and she sucked in air like she was taking a drag of nicotine, desperate and shaky. Cartman's expression feigned emotionlessness, but his eyes were wildfire. "Hey, where'd you go Alex? Come on, stay with me."

~

It was Valentines Day. She had been planning the entire night for weeks now, down to every detail possible. Soft classical music played from a bluetooth speaker wedged in the corner of the kitchen counter, hauntingly beautiful key strokes on an organ in the background. The lights were dimmed low, and black tapered candles burned in an antique candelabra on the island. She had dressed up nice and formal, her shirt was black as night and her slacks fit her like a glove. The collar was unbuttoned halfway down her braless chest the way Michael liked. Plating pan fried tilapia over a bed of angle hair pasta, she paused for a moment to fish the small velvet jewelry box from her pocket. Running her thumb over the top, she flipped it open carefully to examine the ornate Victorian style ring nestled inside. There was a teardrop shaped blood diamond in the center, surrounded by tiny onyx stones set in a wide gunmetal band.

Their relationship hadn't been going very well recently, but she wanted to commit herself to the curly haired boy with everything in her. She knew that without a doubt in her mind, and if he wouldn't make a move, she would do it for him. Only a week prior, in a fit of anger during the heat of an argument, Michael had thrown her out of his car on the side of the road and driven off, tires squealing. She'd had to call Henrietta to pick her up, and the other girl pretended she didn't notice the barely there muffled sobs coming from the passengers seat. The fights had been getting more intense and closer together as time was going by, and she never knew what would set off his hair pin trigger. Michael was possessive and territorial, and had slowly begun isolating her from her friends, except Henri, Firkle and Pete. She was sure that if she showed him that she wanted to be his and only his, it would mellow him out, if only slightly. The front door creaked open, and she shoved the ring box back in her pocket.

"Babe? Is that you?" She called out. The familiar voice grunted from the front hall, and she smiled as she moved to set the plates on the island. Michael strolled in with an unreadable look on his face.

"Smells good." He mumbled. "What did you make?"

"Your favorite." She grinned as she pulled his chair our for him. When Michael had situated himself, she began filling their glasses with wine. "I wanted to make something nice for the holiday."

"Valentine's Day was invented entirely for capitalist purposes by the monarchy." He droned in a bored voice, his chin resting in his hand. "So the sheepole can rush around and frantically stock up on flowers and candy because society says this is the day they need to show how much they care. To express feelings that aren't even real. It's all bullshit. I thought you knew that."

"Oh..." She could hear the disappointment in her voice as she sunk into her seat. "Um. I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have...bought you the flowers then..."

Michael sighed and plucked an orange rose petal from the bouquet at the center of the table, crushing it between his fingers, and her dreams went with it. "No, you shouldn't have."

They sat in silence as Beethoven's concerto number five ended. Alex was staring at her hands where they laid in her lap, picking at the skin around her painted nails until they bled at the corners. She was fighting back tears, her shoulders shaking with the effort. "I'm sorry Michael, I didn't mean to upset you..."

"You never 'mean' to upset me, but after two years its like you never paid enough attention to learn who I am, Alexandra." He spat, pushing the plate away from him with force.

"I-i do kn-know you, Michael! I love you so much." She reached for his hand across the table, but he pulled back before contact was made. "Please, let's just have a nice dinner, okay?"

"And pretend like nothings been happening?" He was angry now, his eyes cold. "Why are you trying so hard to force this to happen? You never fucking listen to me. You keep fucking around with your conformist friends no matter how much it annoys the dog shit out of me. You're always giving in to societal norms like your one of them, but YOU AREN'T LIKE THEM. It's fucking pathetic!"

"Babe please, I'm so sorry. Just calm down and we can talk about this-"

"You're fucking sorry?!" The taller boy cut him off, seething with rage. "You're sorry you never do as I say, or take what I tell you to heart, or fucking do as you're fucking told? You're sorry you're a whiny little bitch who tries to drag me down to your level? 'Sorry' isn't going to cut it this time Alexandra. I'm not going to keep waisting my time on whatever you think this is between us."

She was crying now, the engagement ring heavy in her pocket. This was not how it was supposed to go. It was Valentine's Day and she was trying so hard to make everything work out between them. "Michael I-"

"You'll what? You'll change? You'll do better next time? You'll actually fucking listen to me? I doubt it. How many fucking times do I have to tell you this holiday is bullshit? Life is pain, Alexandra. Life is only pain. We're all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings and shit like Valentine's Day. But there's only blackness. Dark, depressing loneliness that eats at your soul. Love isn't fucking real. You just think it is because Disney Princesses tell you it is."

"So what, that's it then? You don't love me, at all? Even after everything we've been through? I'm just here to, what exactly? Wet your dick for you?" She didn't mean to say it. She knew Michael had feelings for her in some way, but she was angry, and it had all rushed out at once.

"Fucking LISTEN to me, Alexandra! Of course I love you, you're prefect for me. I'm saying that all this stuff you've been doing isn't you, its the influence of those posers you call friends. They've convinced you that this is how its supposed to go, fucking candle lit dinners like the movies do. Why can't you just be original for once? I know you're capable of it. I love the you that sought us out to play that stupid game when we were kids and drank your coffee black and beat all those Vamp Kids asses at Casa Bonita. Where's that Alexandra?"

"I'm right here, Babe. I just grew up and things changed. I'm still that same Alex, I promise-" She reached out to take Michael's hand again, but it was ripped from her grasp roughly. She jerked her arms back, elbowing her glass of wine, which spilled across her lap. With a gasp of surprise she lurched back in her seat, scrambling for napkins to dab at the stains. They were her favorite pants. Michael scoffed in irritation, the feet of his chair scraping loudly against the tile floor as he stood.

"I want you out by the time I come back."

The finality of that statement had hit her like a freight train and shocked her still, the front door slamming so hard in the frame she heard it bounce back against the wall. She was still silent and unmoving when her phone rang. She wasn't sure how long it had been. Seconds? Hours? An eternity? Her fingers trembled ever so slightly when she answered.

"Hey Douche!" Cartman's chipper voice crackled through the speaker. "How'd it go? Did he say yes?"

"Eric..." She croaked back, her voice cracking from disuse. "Please come find me before I do something stupid."

~

Back in reality, Stan was asking if she was okay in a heavily concerned voice, and Henrietta proclaimed she didn't know. Tears were dripping from her chin and had left hot, wet streaks down her face. When had that happened? Cartman was silent, diligently wiping them away with the pads of his thumbs so no one could see. For once, there was no judgment in his gaze.

"I can't be here..." Her voice was small and alien to her own ears. "They'll all see..."

"Then go." Eric whispered back.

So she ducked under his arm and ran away on pencil thin heels, up the stairs, towards anywhere that wasn't right there at that moment.


	3. Am I Gonna Be Alright?

Token let her into one of the vacant guest rooms upstairs without question, sadness painted on his features as his form disappeared behind the door with a quiet click. She ignored the pity in the boys brown eyes. Opening the tall bay windows, she carefully climbed out onto the flat expanse of roof, one foot directly in front of the other every step. Smoothing the bottom of her dress against the backs of her thighs like she'd seen Henrietta do with her skirts, she plopped down on the chestnut colored shingles. Curling into the fetal position with her knees tucked to her chest, arms crossed over them, Alex observed the vastness of the clear Colorado night sky. Something about the stars seemed a little off, like they were backlit by a pale sickly green, but she couldn't be sure it wasn't the alcohol messing with her perception of her surroundings. A chill breeze caught the loose tendrils of the straps tied together at the back of her dress and they danced in the wind. The coolness of the night around her stung the wetness on her face, but she didn't move to clean it. No one here could see her. She could cry as much as she wanted. In the greenish half light, she felt she looked like the shadow she'd become.

Heart break is a funny thing, she thought, bemused. Everyone had to face it, everyone knew it was going to happen to them sooner or later, and yet she had never prepared for it. Never even considered she would need to. She had underestimated it's power. It was as if she had jumped from the window of her bedroom, two stories high, without a second thought, and had not expected the landing to hurt. Why had she never been ready for it? Because she was lost in denial, she answered herself. She had stupidly believed it wouldn't happen with Michael. She believed the ground was closer than it appeared, that the fall wouldn't break her bones. She had believed if she gave the other boy her heart he wouldn't grind it to ash between his fingers like he had the rose petal. Hearts shouldn't be crushed, she reasoned, his jaw working. They should be cherished and protected, like priceless French paintings, like grand masterpieces, like irreplaceable heirlooms. She wished someone would have told Michael that when he was growing up. She wished Michael could've known how much she had really, really loved him. But most of all, she wished Michael would have cherished and protected her heart the way she had always thought he would. The impact with the ground shattered her, inside and out.

"Hey." Her head swiveled around to see Cartman standing half in and half out the window, his hand on the frame. "Mind if I join you?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. Slowly, carefully, Eric managed to shimmy his way onto the roof. In his hands were two cans, but before she could protest, she realized they were just Ginger Ale. He wobbled a bit a few steps away, pausing as his face paled, before he regained his balance and kept going. The incorrect starlight brought out the blue in his eyes. She turned her head back toward the sky lazily, jumping in surprise when a heavy weight fell over her like a shroud. The scent of black musk and maple embers and something entirely Eric filled her lungs, and her hands slithered up to grip tightly to the jacket resting on her shoulders, the hood pulled up and hiding her face. Peaking to her right again, she pondered the boy who stood with his face tilted towards the stars, one of the cans at his lips, his other hand deep in the pocket of his jeans and his stance relaxed and trusting. Underneath the hoodie he was clad in a red tee shirt baring the word Reckless across the back. Of course he was. A mild calmness washed over her like the tide coming in from the ocean.

"Does the sky look...weird to you?" He seemed perturbed and mildly off put.

"Maybe. Maybe we're just drunk." She shrugged but he wasn't looking in her direction. His eyes were pointed at the discolored constellations. After a moment of contemplation, he shook his head.

"Whatever. Anyway. Kyle noticed him come in, but you were having so much fun he figured you wouldn't notice." He didn't turn to look down at her, who thought he must not want to see her wallowing in self pity, instead crumpling his now empty can in his fist and, uncaring, throwing it across Token's backyard like he was pitching a baseball. When he released it, the shirt rode up to reveal the waistband of his Calvin Klein's. "He thought you could handle it. For such a smug smart little fucker, the Jew sure has no idea how any of this shit works. Dumbass."

"I thought I could too." Breaking in the middle, her voice was rough from the crying. "But he just gave me that look, and it all came crashing back."

"Used to be like that with Heidi." Eric sighed up at the poisoned night. She wondered if that was why they had grown so close over what Michael had done to her. There had been some bad breakups in South Park, but she knew how awful Cartman's had been with Heidi, how during the last final one, he had actually tried to keep good on his promise. Very few people knew that part of the story, however. They would've all thought he was trying to manipulate the girl again, when in reality he had been broken and confused and hurting. No one had actually considered he would ever go through with his threats. They had been empty and thinly veiled to try and keep her under his thumb for most of their on again, off again fling. Sometimes she caught herself staring at the scar that ran down the boy's inner arm and she'd shudder at the thought of a world where he had succeeded. That was around the time that Eric had started changing into a much better person. The brush with death must have jarred him into realizing how awful he had always been to others. 

"I know she hurt you." She offered solemnly.

"Yeah." He answered, taking a drag off his vape. "And Michael hurt you."

They lapsed into silence. Eric sighed and flopped down next to her, offering the remaining can. She accepted it wordlessly, their fingers brushing as it was passed. The taller of the two leaned back on his hand, using the other to keep sucking down Unicorn Blood. He continued to study the lime shaded stars in a contemplative manner, like he was expecting something from them. "Sometimes its still like that. I was not a good guy back then, and I hurt her pretty bad too."

"Does it ever get better?"

"Better? Yeah sure, it'll get better." He exhaled a cloud of sweet scented smoke around them from the corners of his mouth. "Will it ever go away? Probably not until we're fucking dead. Ain't that a bitch?"

"Sure is, man."

For a long while they were quiet, the only sounds those of the party still raging inside, the music throbbing through the dwelling like their own bleeding hearts. They passed the chunky box back and forth, sharing the soda in the can that sat between them. Relaxation melted into her as they sat next to one another, time ticking by without either one caring about how late it was getting, or how amiss the darkness seemed to keep becoming. The moon hung far too low, tinged the color of spring grass, and the clouds were   
thick and gray. A foggy mist floated around them like smog. Eventually Eric reached out and wrapped an arm around her like he often did, pulling her against his side and laying an open hand on the top of her head protectively. She knew she had been Cartman's favorite since they met, mainly because she was a good little minion who did as he was asked without question back then. No matter the task, if she had been asked she would perform without thought. It was just who she was, and she knew the other boys refused just as often as she agreed. South Park was a special kind of place, a place where anything could happen, and yet she had risked life and limb for Eric fucking Cartman more times than she could've counted back in the days of Elves and Superheros, of Zaron and The Coon. It had earned her the title of best friend before they even entered middle school, even if Eric only said it when he was trying to convince her to do his bidding.

"Want to go back?" The brunette inquired. Above them the stars were fading back to their usual sparkling white, as if nothing had happened. As if they were hoping the teens hadn't noticed anything arwy at all.

"Nah." She laid her head on Eric's shoulder. "It's nice out here. Lets just chill."

"You sure?"

"Mhm."

"Alright. If it makes you feel better, we can stay." He squeezed her shoulders for a beat. "Don't know why you'd want to be stuck with me when you could be in there with your friends, though."

"You are my friend, Cartman." She sighed in exasperation. "You're my best friend."

"Pfft. Why do you think that?"

"You just are, fatass."

Before they could start bickering in earnest, something flashed in the corner of her eye. It was so quick she wasn't entirely sure if it had actually happened at all. He looked passed her towards where the green light had flickered, his eyebrows furrowed, and she turned to observe as well. Curiosity peaked in her chest, but it was accompanied by a welling fear. Nothing was out of the ordinary in the direction of Stark's Pond, the sky still a deep star speckled blue, but something nagged at the back of her skull that whatever had just happened, it was very real and very ominous. The sky dimmed only just, and it was like time had slowed for a moment and had picked right back up where it left off. That was a familiar feeling she wished would go away.

"Huh..." Eric muttered. "That was kinda like...the light when I saw the leprechaun when we were kids."

"Leprechaun?" Unsure she'd heard him correctly, she swiveled her head back to look at him expectantly, eyebrow raised. This was not a story she knew.

"Yeah, before you moved here. Long before you moved here, actually. We all saw this leprechaun in the woods out there but...I don't know. I don't remember much for a little while after that. I think it was important..."

"You're telling me that you saw a leprechaun in the woods by Stark's Pond, before I moved here, and you're expecting me to believe you?" Incredulousness dripped off her tongue like honey.

"Well, I mean, it's South Park." He raked his fingers through his bangs. "Who knows what really did happen?"

An odd, uneven sound, like the whirring of helicopter blades but not quite right, washed over them as a strong gust of unseasonably wintery cold winds blustered through the neighborhood, shaking the trees and the windows in their panes. She had to hold down her dress at the slit that ran up her thigh so she wouldn't flash Cartman, and he had gripped his hat down tight against his skull as she turned against the source of warmth his body offered. It had come from the direction of the Pond. She felt something was incredibly wrong all of the sudden, a sick knowing feeling that churned her guts. Like all those times when they were in elementary school. Like that other timeline where she had done the unspeakable at his command. Like fourth grade and innocently childish games that were far too adult for a bunch of eight year old and horrors unimaginable that they had faced together. Bile rose in the back of her throat at the angry dread that washed over her in icy waves. Cartman sat tense beside her like he was carved from stone, his grip around her shoulders tightening vise like. He was subconsciously pulling her flush against his side as he swallowed thickly, and she shivered. It had nothing to do with the chill.

"Here we go again."


End file.
